I have been having trouble falling asleep lately, and I haven’t slept very well in a while. I wish I could dim my thoughts like I dim the room — at the flick of a switch. Tossing and turning, I stand as a bored spectator of the clamor of my mind, becoming even more pronounced as the night matures. The nightmares are probably what my body is trying to protect me from, and as much as I think I want to fall asleep, deep down I’m also scared, and hoping that when my body eventually relents tonight I won’t be playing cat and mouse in my sleep with the same repulsive imagery from all the previous nights. By now I have already accepted that these dreams are a byproduct of something I’m trying to evade in my waking hours, but either I’m so repulsed by the people and things that I’m just scared to reach down there and twiddle with the circuitry, or I have simply given up without even knowing it. Regardless, if I were to entertain the idea of “reaching down” just for a second, I start to wonder, how deep can I actually go myself, when I don’t have any instructions whatsoever? When I look all I see are shapes, some good but otherwise almost always bad. What I should do with the landscape of my subconscious is certainly far from clear.
"what can be explained is not poetry" — yeats
"what can be explained is not poetry" — yeats
"what can be explained is not poetry" — yeats
I have been having trouble falling asleep lately, and I haven’t slept very well in a while. I wish I could dim my thoughts like I dim the room — at the flick of a switch. Tossing and turning, I stand as a bored spectator of the clamor of my mind, becoming even more pronounced as the night matures. The nightmares are probably what my body is trying to protect me from, and as much as I think I want to fall asleep, deep down I’m also scared, and hoping that when my body eventually relents tonight I won’t be playing cat and mouse in my sleep with the same repulsive imagery from all the previous nights. By now I have already accepted that these dreams are a byproduct of something I’m trying to evade in my waking hours, but either I’m so repulsed by the people and things that I’m just scared to reach down there and twiddle with the circuitry, or I have simply given up without even knowing it. Regardless, if I were to entertain the idea of “reaching down” just for a second, I start to wonder, how deep can I actually go myself, when I don’t have any instructions whatsoever? When I look all I see are shapes, some good but otherwise almost always bad. What I should do with the landscape of my subconscious is certainly far from clear.